Thursday, April 18, 2013

Wife school: How To Please Your Husband - Part I

©2008-2013 The Seductive Woman

Good afternoon my feminine lovely! Don't ever be afraid of the idea of being purposely pleasing to your husband. Many of us traditional ladies and wives have realized from experience that our greatest satisfactions come not from doing the things that are expected of us, but from what we do over and above that. 

In other words, we go the second mile for our husbands. *Smile*

Furthermore, when we make a sincere effort and put ourselves out to please our husbands, our husbands will usually try to balance our deed with one of their own. A  good husband certainly won't want the obligation to be all on his side. 

If a good wife prevents the 'bank account' of love, respect and caring from ever becoming unbalanced, both shall always be doing things for each other and being pleased. For marriage isn't just about the wedding ceremony, it's also what happens everyday after the ceremony. 

That being said, dove, we have to be careful not to try too hard to please our husbands, or to sell ourselves out by doing so. The desire to please our husbands should also come naturally, and flow from our generous and gracious feminine natures and cores. 

Wife school: How To Please Your Husband - Good Communication

Good communication is essential for a happy marriage, and I'm a firm believer in married couples having regular 'heart to heart' talks for the benefit of the one who has something on his or her mind. 

I'm sure that you'll agree with me that our marital problems can become greatly magnified if we keep turning them over in our minds without hearing the other side. So a wife can help her husband a lot by regularly talking things over, and finding out what there is about her that irritates or pleases him. 

The same goes for her husband.

A friend of mine has such talks with her husband. They'll give each other half an hour to tell other tactfully, and without making it personal, where they think that they could improve, and then speak about their good points also. 

At the end of these discussions, they usually feel lighter, and wind up by thinking pretty well of themselves and each other. *Smile* 

This kind of talk is likely to soak in a husband's mind just as a gentle rain would, cupcake. Whereas the kind that gathers and brews and finally bursts in all its fury usually has the effect of a violent storm. 

It may clear the air, but it's often scary!

That being said, the timing for having these talks is very important, so do ask your husband if he has the time to talk, and try to avoid having too many "we need to talk" or "let’s work out our problem" talks. 

Don't forget to talk about light and enjoyable topics!

Refrain from criticizing your husband! Criticism and fault-finding get you nowhere in a relationship, and only arouse a husband's resentment, and increase resistance. 

Respectful communication and gentle words will calm tense situations, but disrespectful communication and harsh words just cut like sharp weapons. 

If you're feeling angry at your husband, dear heart, an old rule is to count ten before speaking, and another is for both of you not to be angry at the same time. 

It's probably better still to recognize that feeling angry at your husband is a signal that something needs correcting, and is probably as much caused by your disposition as in the behavior of your husband. 

The fault usually lies on both sides. 

It's also easy for a wife to say too much to her husband when she's angry. Any woman can do that, dove. But it's a real achievement if she can analyze the situation in which the anger arose, and to find some constructive solution. 

In addition, when a husband who's otherwise lovable fails to restrain his temper, his words shouldn't be taken too seriously by the wife. But, on the other hand, the spouse who has said an unkind thing ought to make amends. 

Making amends with a spouse is is a 'debt' which every self-respecting man and woman should gladly pay to their spouse. But the one to whom it's due should receive it with an affectionate response rather than as a thing demanded.

One very test of a good marriage is a couple's ability to heal the little hurts, and forget the many little things that can cause irritation in marriage. If a couple can learn to put these things behind them, then they'll be relatively harmless. 

However, if they're allowed to pile up between them, small bits of unpleasantness will finally produce a wall of separation. 

For this very reason, dove, little misunderstandings and hurts between you and your husband should be cleared up as soon as possible. Furthermore, you should both make a rule never to begin or close the day with any hurts unhealed, or offenses unforgiven. 

Wife school: How To Please Your Husband - Make Him Number One

A wife should always make her husband her number one, and the most important person in her life. But a husband's place isn't usually challenged until children arrive, and sometimes the wife will take it for granted that he'll be satisfied with just crumbs of her time, and with attention that the children don't require. 

This isn't the way a mutually satisfying and fulfilling marriage works, cupcake! Husbands have also been known to become not only indifferent to their wives who ignore them in favor of their children, but antagonistic to their children by being thus relegated to the background. 

To be pleasing to your husband you should never become so obsessed about the subject of babies and childcare that it occupies most of your waking thoughts. A smart wife will never allow this subject to take over the majority of her thoughts. 

She'll decide, as well, whether or not it's ideal to have a maid and/or babysitter to come in to help. (Even if she has to economize in other ways to do so.) 

A wife who pleases her husbands is not only aware that her husband is number one, but that a child is only a fraction of the family - not the larger part of it. As for hiring a nanny, I believe that our children need the care and attention of their mothers in childhood, not nannies, in order to mature into highly functioning and well-balanced individuals. 

A mother must always remember that the time the children spend at home is only an interlude, and that when that's over she and her husband will be alone again, and they'll not have drifted apart by letting the children supersede the other in his or her affections. 

Smart wives tend to handle their children with determination, and their husbands with diplomacy and leniency. *Smile*

That being said, dove, many of us often do the opposite. We often neglect opportunities to mold our children into highly functioning and well-balanced individuals, but are often determined to change our husbands, learning too late that success would have lain in a reversal of the process!

Wife school: How To Please Your Husband - Accept Him As He Is

Recently a male friend brought up to me how annoying it is how women have this huge tendency of trying to make their men over like they're some sort of project. This is true, dove, and common with women. 

So many married women are doing this to their husbands, and when a new fault is recognized, it often happens that the wife tries stubbornly to make her husband fit her patterns and expectations. 

By doing so, they usually gain their husband's resentment, not the change they they were hoping for. 

This isn't to say that men can't change or improve themselves, but that change or improvement should only take place if a man himself wants to change/improve, and is willing to do so within the frame-work of the person he is. 

That being said, with the indirect influence and encouragement of genuine, loving and accepting wife, a man is often willing to change and improve and think that it was his idea. *Wink.* 

The tragic error in a wife trying to make her husband over is that her efforts may obscure and overwhelm her view of what sort of man her husband really is. And this real man may actually be more in tune with her needs and desires than the artificial ideal that she's trying to impose. 

Your husband will be potentially a better mate if he's allowed to develop in his own way, lovely. 

Finally, an awareness and appreciation of the differences between you and your husband,  as well as a continuing effort to see him as he really, is will help your marriage more than anything else to make it solid and enduring. 

A wife's disillusionment in marriage often stems from trying to fly in the face of reality, and of expecting her husband to not be himself.

Wife school: How To Please Your Husband - Support Him 

As a husband and wife support, help and strengthen each other they strengthen their marriage and home. The various mechanisms which a family uses - such as dishwasher or car - run best when all the adjustments are right. 

However, dove, even a good piece of equipment will run badly if some part is out of adjustment. So it is with your marriage and homes. Your family life will run a lot more smoothly if the daily program, and the habits of each member, are adjusted to the other as closely as possible. 

In order to support your husband and achieve that, try to keep similar hours to your husband, and make the hours count

A smart wife will budget her time so that there will be opportunity for companionship with her husband. She'll go out together with her husband - to well chosen places which they both enjoy - and cultivate the pleasures of home life together. 

It's always a good thing for a wife to at least try to learn to like the same things as her husband, and in his company, support him, and not be competing with him. A good wife never tries to compete with her husband, dove, and wants to help her husband to appear at his best.

In addition, to be a supportive wife to your husband it's wise to avoid any little inconveniences which may hurt your husband by giving him the impression that you don't care. 

Many unnecessary tensions arise in marriages when either the husband or wife (or both,) try to thwart and hamper each other. 

In happy marriages, it's quite on the contrary. The couples are able to feel that all of their interests are more secure because of the other, and know that it's easier to live a satisfactory life because of their mate.

In good marriages there's also a fine balancing of freedom and team-work. A husband (and wife) should feel free, but not too independent, and unique, but not separate. Furthermore, each should try to avoid either the extreme of submergence of one's personality, or being so independent that loneliness and frustration result. 

In marriage, we find our lives in sharing them with our husbands, and find our best selves in the heart of a husband. *Smile.* Do also offer your husband enough scope for the full development of his individuality because to hamper your husband is to hamper yourself.

To support their husbands, traditional stay-at-home wives may try to excel in their role of homemaking and looking after their families (which is a real career by the way!,) just as their husbands do in their line of work. 

In this way both husbands and wives have respect and admiration for each other's differing spheres of expertise, and will be happy to support each other in their respective spheres. 

Nevertheless, dove, we too often know enough about our husband's work for it to seem easy, and too little about our own for it to be easy. But when we try to focus a little more of our attention on the more difficult and uninteresting phases of our husbands' work, and on the interesting part of our own, we won't feel disgruntled. 

In fact, we'll probably feel fortunate. *Smile*

A husband's heaviest burden may not be the kind of work he does, but the worry (such as the fear of losing his job in the current economy or his health.) 

I know several professional men who were recently demoted, largely, I think, because their educated wives considered the husband's job such a cinch that he could help around the house and thus save a maid's wages. 

But did you know that husbands who fail to be promoted in their careers may fail for the very same reason, dove? In many instances the wives have jobs, but they don't see any connection between that situation and their husband's failure and lowered morale. 

As for receiving some support and assistance from your husband, that's great. It may also be recreational and promote companionship. 

Nevertheless, doll, if your husband has to help wash clothes on Sunday morning, be a baby sitter after nursery school hours, and decide what kind of meat to bring home for dinner, his mind can't be still enough for helpful ideas to sprout in regards to getting ahead in his career, or to gain employment at a new job.

If you also work outside the home, you may need to get some outside help, or quit working outside the home altogether  and cut back on expenses/luxuries in order to do so.

Wife school: How To Please Your Husband - Companionship

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