Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Envious Women; Envy Among And Between Women

©2008-2013 The Seductive Woman

Good morning, dove! 

In today's post I'm going to be discussing a very serious subject with you - Envious Women; Envy Among And Between Women. 

Like jealousy, envy is a major source of EVIL and ugliness in this world. It's a female vice that can stir up fear, frustration, insecurity, bitterness and a hatred for those of whom we're envious!

Female envy is an truly NEGATIVE thing. From the beginning, envy (along with jealousy,)  has caused most of the hatreds, malice, vengeance and murders. But enough of this. We all know what envy is! 

We've all seen it in other women, and thought what an ugly and anti-seductive thing it was in another woman.

I think that every woman at some time during her life has experienced envy and jealousy toward another woman - or toward herself - and in different ways. 

The sad fact is that women are prone to be envious of each other, and to compete with each other! And we girls should know more than anybody else what female envy and jealousy is - for we're in the midst of it every day. 

I've even read someone's hypothesis that women, by and large, hate themselves, and each other!

Envious Women; Envy Among And Between Women; What Is Female Envy? 

Female envy.... whether it be in a workroom, from an office co-worker,  or during a social gathering, with women, the air seems to be FULL of it! 

Heaven forbid if a woman's perceived/expected rival should be secure, confident, smart, savvy or look better than her! 

She's almost sure to feel full of ENVY (which is a miserable feeling.)

No woman likes to own up to being envious of another woman either - to that fear which makes her so uneasy when she thinks of another woman robbing her of the esteem, or affections, of those she cares about/loves. 

Many women will also DENY it if they're accused of being envious of anything. 

So it really must be something that we should feel ashamed of. Perhaps too, we really should be asking ourselves the question; 'how do I avoid/stop being envious of other women?' 

**Now, lovely, envy among and between women should never be confused with jealousy (although they're both closely allied.) Envy is disappointment at another's good, while jealousy toward another woman/woman is FEAR for one's own good.

Envious Women; Envy Among And Between Women; Why Women Envy Each Other 

Ask yourself, what do you think the REAL reason is that women often dislike another woman? 

The answer is ENVY; women have a tendency to be insecure, and envy each other.

Female envy is essentially WANTING something that another woman has - something that a woman lacks in herself. 

It stems from a disappointment over another woman's good/success/abilities - as it's perceived to be lessening one's own good/success/abilities.

Many of us should be asking ourselves the question; how do I avoid/stop being envious of other women?

I don't think that any woman, if she'd confess truthfully, would say that she can't remember ever being envious. Yet we need to learn how to control that feeling, doll, and find something to eradicate that feeling, altogether. 

Moreover, from what I've personally seen, heard, read about, and experienced, it seems that envy (and jealousy) among women is a disease that we all need to be inoculated against (as it comes out in so many different, asinine and truly sickening ways!)

Envious Women; Envy Among And Between Women; What Are The Causes Of Female Envy; Where Does It Come From?

The vice of female envy stems not only a bitter root inside of us, but from a sense of POWERLESS, and a false sense of pride. 

It's the kind of powerless and pride that can't bear to perceive a 'rival,' or any sort of superiority in another woman. 

It also springs from COVETOUSNESS - which can't stand seeing another woman more noticed, appreciated, successful or prosperous.

While jealousy usually implies the element of DEFEAT in competition (and so a conception of equality between the jealous woman and another woman is lacking,) envy is not between between equals. 

Female envy is usually for somebody, or something, quite outside a particular woman's league.

Envious Women; Envy Among And Between Women; What Type Of Woman Are Women Envious Of? 

Women get envious of the following type of women;

A pretty and feminine woman (it's true that good looking and 'womanly' women are often a threat to other women because their boyfriends and husbands notice them.)

**Have you read the article 'There are downsides to looking this pretty: Why women hate me for being beautiful' by Samantha Brick, dove? It unleashed a such an ugly torrent of hate (and bitter envy) from women!

A youthful or seemingly 'ageless' woman.

A secure and confident woman.

A charming and magnetic woman.

A smart and savvy woman.

A multi-talented woman.

A woman of excellence.

A high-earning woman.

A poised and self-assured woman.

A happy woman.

A sophisticated and elegant woman.

The woman who has such beautiful clothes.

The professional model.

A seductive woman and a feminine seductress.

A 'feminine artist.'

An 'Advanced Femme.'

A 'modern day geisha.'

A woman with prestige.

A woman who has sensual/sexual appeal.

A woman who's blissfully married.

A woman who seems to 'have it all.'

The present recipient of a crush's favour.... 

Consequently, envy, while it can be a stabbing emotion like jealousy, it doesn't endure like jealousy does, or carry with it the dangerous possibilities of hardening into dislike - even hatred.

Envious Women; Envy Among And Between Women; Signs of Female Envy

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Jealousy and envy among women

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  1. Wonderful and well written.

    Thank you for your insights.

    Bordeaux, France

  2. Why thank you, Jennifer!

    Have a wonderful and inspiring day. :-)

  3. Thank you once again Melina for your beautiful words.
    I am suffering from this right now and it felt like a weight came off my shoulder after reading this.
    Unfortunately, there is a girl spreading lies and bad things about me in my boyfriend's circle of friends and work colleagues. She is his roommate's girlfriend.
    I have done no wrong to her, the only thing that happened was that I kept my integrity and warned a friend of a bad situation and it blew up in my face. No more details necessary; but last Saturday I had and encounter with her, and all these people and I have never felt so bad and humiliated in my entire life! I could barely hold my tears in as I was getting into the car after the party, which I left early. Thankfully, my beautiful boyfriend was there to hold me and wipe my tears.
    I have been trying to pray for her, but I feel so angry, so upset! Like it's not fair, because I never did anything wrong, specially not to her.
    But I like your advice. From now on, I'll give her the other cheek and walk the second mile. Maybe she'll change!

    Have a beautiful day!


  4. You're welcome, dear Flora!

    I'm so glad to hear that some weight has been lifted off you since reading this post. :-)

    What a hard time you've been having recently, but thankfully, with a little clarity and ammunition *wink,* you'll feel better and more hopeful than you did before.

    I do know the feeling, trust me!

    *Big hug.*

  5. Dear Melina,

    Thanks for writing this! I suffer from insecurities ALL the time, and I feel envy and pangs of pain too. I just want to share with you how I deal with it.

    Well, first of all, I would not unload my painful feelings onto anyone, not least the girl who "reminds" me of my own insecurities and imperfections. That's a paramount principle that I adhere to, no matter how much pain I feel. I still treat her as best as I could, even though it is very, very difficult. However, usually no one can tell what's going on inside me, and I'm the only one who finds myself acting "fake". On the outside, I'm still cordial, helpful and kind.

    I think this is what matters. That it is human to feel pain and disappointment about ourselves, but to prevent further ruin to our relationships and reputation, and to not hurt any innocent people, we must try to process our pain in another way. We can write in our journals, we can take actions to tackle the causes of our insecurities, and we can confide in great friends who will be empathetic and give us the encouragement and faith to see that, we are as beautiful / multi-talented / [whatever quality we desire to embody], it's just that we need to be patient and dedicated.

    At the same time, envy can also be a "tool" to assist us in learning the lifelong lesson of self-love. There truly are some things we cannot change. E.g. I have relatively small eyes and I would feel inferior next to people who have larger eyes. So, there was a point when I would draw thicker eyeliners to enlarge them into another shape. But that didn't look pretty at all. I discovered that if I simply draw a fine line that follows MY eyes' shape, it looks better. And that's when my acceptance of my own eyes began. I won't have large eyes, so what? They are still superb "soul windows" through which my sweetness and other feminine qualities can shine.


  6. A real aha moment. Since I got divorced (major wake up call) I have lost all my married friends. They are envious of my new lifestyle,freedom and confidence(I've worked very hard on myself to recover from the divorce and be my own person). So lately I've been deliberately making myself a lesser person - less beautiful, less together, less interesting so they don't feel threatened and I can have their friendship again. Thanks to your post I see that I was going about this the wrong way. I can still be my best self and deflect the 'poisoned arrows'.

  7. @ Sonia; Bravo! I commend your self-awareness, maturity and positive way of looking at things.

    If only every woman could take something negative and spin it into something positive during times like these!

    You're obviously a sweet soul. <3

    @ Jennifer; yes, it's often the newly separated/divorced women who suddenly find themselves losing friends. Or should I say "friends."

    Single women can also have a hard time of it when most of the women they know are married.

    I'm glad to hear that you've worked on yourself, lovely, and realize you can remain your 'best self.'



  8. our insecurities, pangs of pain and destructive desires arise solely from the mistakes we make in our moral life. The mistakes light the embers of negativity, and we remain blinded by the cause of this heat of pain in our heart, in our soul. So to look toward the corrective, we can not change - any notion of which brings falsehood and more pain - we can only draw in new resources we can find already deep within ourselves. This requires work, the work of correcting our soul, and it normally can found to be difficult and at times seem impossible. Exactly the same way that climbing a mountain is difficult and at times challenging with varying weather and conditions previously unknown, the work is very much worth it. The ascent to the peak can be exilarating, the experience of the view from the top alone can be the most rewarding thing in itself. Most importantly, when looking around from this peak, we see the toil of others, we know the work that we had to do to get here and with grace we can reach out in encouragement and support to those around us. The work of life is very much worth it.

  9. I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate your insights. There is a quote by Marianne Williamson that states"Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure." I always compete against myself and not against others. If I see qualities I admire in others I'm grateful for their example and try to incorporate these qualities in my own life. It's so sad to me that women don't usually support each other. I wish them well and don't waste my time with women who can't see their own light and choose to live in darkness.

  10. Thank you so much for your posts they have helped me tremendously I think all grils/women should learn the arts of feminity , integrity , and how to to be kind and considerate of others . Once again thank you so much please keep posting .

  11. @ Unknown; profound words, thank you so much, lovely, for sharing!

    I like where it mentions the 'correcting our souls' and doing things with grace. :-)

    And yes, the work of life is very much worth it. Life is the most important work, study and 'school' we can ever be a part of.

    @ Babycakes; Love it! As women, we all need to see our own light. :-)

    Isn't that Marianne Williamson quote inspiring?

    @ anon; no, thank YOU, dear sister!

    You've helped make my day a little brighter with your encouragement.

    And I agree with you about learning these feminine arts.

  12. I really appreciate this post! I've understood jealousy and envy before reading this, but it's nice to have a new light shone on this "disease". I've been on both ends of envy and I like neither one, but I know it's hard to deal with envious women-- ESPECIALLY when they're in a group! For example, heaven forbid I go out to the mall with my husband on a weekend night. There are groups of women and girls everywhere who like to stare and laugh because of my unique style of dress. They derive false confidence in their numbers. I recognize the root of their actions, but it can feel like the entire world is against me when I'm singled out and attacked from every angle. Any advice on how to deal with envy from groups of strangers?

    Thanks again and Blessed Be!

  13. Hello Melina dear,
    I am very confidence in my physical appearence there is just on insecurity that I posses as you know my assymetrical eyes but as I said earlier i'm still trying to live jiucy life;) its just hard not to feel jealous(i'm not escusing the emotion) when I see girls with perfect eyes, (I would rather be plain then have messed up eyes) because they are the window to the soul) but I would never vent that on anyone, please keep praying for me as I try to conquer this emotion.

  14. Dear Sonia who also has has problems with her eyes,
    You sound like a precious soul as Melina said, she is a wise woman insn't she? I am sure you're eyes are beautiful. Remember Scarlett o'hara? Nothing special about her eyes and yet she enchanted many men! As can you. You are such an inspiration to me I will remember you in my prayers. God bless you, oh and he will, "for the lord does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7

  15. The woman I am envious of is not any prettier any smarter or any sweeter than me. She has more problems than me. I don't want to act like her or dress like her. However, she (somehow) has the attention of the man I'm attracted to. They are not together, and as far as I can tell, she doesn't even like him back. I am "working on myself" but in this case, I do outshine this woman, except the man can't or won't see it. Do you have any advice for me how to get over my crush. There is absolutely no other interesting man on the horizon at this moment.

  16. Hi!Interesting blog! When will you be making a new post?

  17. Thank you for this beautiful post Melina. I just left a really long comment but I don't know if it got deleted when I signed in to Google. Anyway, your article is just wonderful and very cathartic, and reading it helped me to forgive and let go more :) thanks.

  18. Hi Melina,

    I've been following your blog for about two years now, and I want to finally tell you how grateful I am to have found TheSeductiveWoman. I have learned in the past two years more than I had learned in the previous 30 years about the importance of and the gift that it is to be a feminine and seductive woman. My life has changed so dramatically!!! Like day and night. Because of what I have learned on your blog I have had the pleasure of experiencing amazing adventures and people that would have previously been unavailable to me. I just started a new job in June I have been experiencing difficulties with certain female coworkers and one particular female supervisor, but I truly believe that I am stronger, wiser,more confident and better able to handle all of the envy and jealousy that is directed at me than I have ever been before. So thank you so very much,may God continue to bless you and yours, and I'm looking forward to more of your work!