Saturday, July 16, 2011

Should a Woman Tell?

In the headstrong folly of youth many women took a step down the 'primrose path,' then repented of their mistakes, and turned their back on them.

In addition, a woman may have washed the slate (with her tears of remorse,) and had the courage to rebuild her life in a place where her early escapades are unknown. 

Then, LOVE comes to her. A good man offers her marriage (and a respectable place in society.) Therefore, the question she often asks herself is; “should a woman tell? Should I tell him the story of my life before I marry him?"

Should a woman TELL a man all the details of her past, dove? What do you think? 

In my mind the question of what’s right in this situation doesn’t really enter into the matter unless the man shall bare his soul too (like a “pre-matrimonial confessional.”)

However, that being said, I also believe that there’s no REAL reason why a man or a woman should tell every detail of their past, or of every time that they strayed off of the straight and narrow path! 

Why would that be necessary?

It's true that a couple who know the worst of each other before they marry would start out their life together on a foundation of honest understanding. But nobody could claim that it would INCREASE their esteem or affection for each other.

On the contrary, they would have probably swept away every illusion (it's always ideal to have the air of a mysterious woman
The Art of Mystique - for Seductresses,) and possibly, the prior faith in each other.

**And perhaps they've also now called into being a 'ghost' of the past that they can’t possibly banish, and that will forever stand between them.

MEN have have the wisdom to perceive this. They realize that what a woman doesn't know doesn't hurt her (while the thing that a woman knows she worries herself to death over!) 

Moreover, FEW men are foolish enough to give a woman a blow-by-blow account of their past lives with which a woman can torture herself over, and him. In fact, cupcake, a man usually draws a discreet veil over episodes that are best forgotten, and deals only in generalities when referring to his bachelor days. 

Smart women are sensible enough to let it go at that! Besides, what woman would really want her man to tell her things that would STAB her every time she thought of them in the future, and that would eat like a canker into her memory?

In addition, it’s only when the case is reversed, and when it's the woman who has a blot on her past, that she wonders if it's the right thing, the honorable thing, to tell the man who wants to marry her about it.

Of course, a woman often finds herself bound in this, by the double code of morals, which makes one standard for the woman and another standard for the man. And rather humorously, makes a husband feel that he’s been exceedingly let down if he discovers that his wife has a past that matches his own.

Therefore, because a woman becomes afraid that in future years a husband may find out about her past life (or is driven by her conscience, or by the need for relief in sharing the burden with another,) the woman nearly always tells everything to the man before marriage.

Sometimes it drives the man away from her. But sometimes the man loves the woman enough to marry her, in spite of her revelations. 

However, while a man may forgive a woman, he never forgets, dove. And he’s often haunted by the memories of what she's revealed.

Moreover, the man may never be able to fully trust the woman again, and never wholly BELIEVE in her again. 

A man also has to be a bigger-souled man than most men if he doesn’t reproach her with her past when they argue, and use it as a 'whip' to scourge her with when he’s angry with her.

So, should a woman tell, dove?

Of course, when a man's or a woman's past life has in it some sinister truth or curse that will inevitably reach out and lay a hand on the future of the one he or she marries, and any possible children they may have, he or she is bound by honor to TELL the other about it.

However, when there’s nothing of this kind, nothing but a youthful folly, a mistake, a blunder in the dark, or a few errors in judgement bitterly repented of and lived down, it seems to me WISER to wash the slate clean, and to make a fresh start *smile.*

What YOU have done in the past, lovely, doesn’t matter so much as what you’re doing now, and what you’re going to do!

And it often happens that because a man or a woman has stumbled in the past, they walk more carefully than others among the pitfalls of life.

Furthermore, out of the sorrows and repentance for a woman's past mistakes, she often experiences a compassion,
a tenderness and an understanding that makes her a BETTER woman than the vast majority who’ve lived ‘perfect’ lives.

The brave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence. It also takes a strong woman to keep from blabbing, and it never PAYS any woman to tell anything that she doesn't wish the world to know.

Anyhow, cupcake, I do hope you found my post 'Should a Woman Tell?' helpful!

Much love,
Melina xx

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  1. "You say... a woman and a man who would know the worst of each other..."
    Well, you're right when you tell that it would not increase their esteem or affection for each other !
    But worse : If I would told the worst about me, what I would tell is the worst I think about me. And I would probably be convincing when showing how dark my soul may be. But that would not be the truth, just an awful moment of low self esteem...

  2. Excellent post, Melina, thank you!

  3. Thank you both for the comments and for dropping by :-)

  4. This was a wonderful post Melina. Thank you.

  5. tat was really a timely peice of advice for me.. but i hav already hav said most of me already.. which he has totally forgot for now and forever.. i trust him.. but then few rest may make things more worse.. dis has now made me realise hw much i need to stop myself from blabbing,to anyone in tat case.. hope i do thank you .. i feel lik strong now!

  6. Better late than never, anon! All the best! xx

  7. Wow, I wish I'd of found this blog before I married my husband, but this teaches me something I could teach my daughter/s, if or when I have one, in the future.

  8. Hi Brittany!

    Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

    Yes, you should definitely do that if you have a daughter one day.

    All the best!


  9. Thank you so much for all your articles, Melina! This is very good advice that has soothed many a question on my mind, so thank you so much!

    Side note: May I just say that being able to read your blogs, with all the advice, is just so wonderful...and you seem to be such a sweet and amazing soul that I feel blessed to ever have stumbled upon you! You remind me of the sister I always wanted and I certainly hope to buy some of your courses because you are just a sweetie and full of such wisdom and wit and you have certainly been the inspiration for me to carry on and keep my head up even when it's very hard to do. (Now I apologize for rambling and my lack of punctuation. Take care!)

  10. Awwwww, you're so sweet Gladiolus!

    I'm glad that this post soothed your mind and that you're enjoying my blogs!

    It's doves like you who make it so fulfilling and worthwhile. :-)

    *Big hug.*

  11. Dear Melina,

    Such a wonderful post! Thank you very much.

    But, how to deal with "flaws of the past", that one won't or can't hide?

    I am a single mom, and i love my angelic boy with all my heart.
    But i feel, that it can lessen my value to a man, that i obviously had a live before him and that this fact can never be forgotten.

    When is the right time to tell a man that you are a mom already? And how?

    On one side, i think it is wonderful, because you will not attract a man, who does not like or want children and a family. But i am no longer "material" for the classic "falling in love, marriage, making a family"-thing. And sometimes this makes me sad, because like many woman, i hope to find exactly this.